I am not the jaded kind
Playback's such a waste
okay, if you're a regular visitor of this page, you'll probably realize that I've changed my profile picture on the right. the previous photo was taken rather a few years back then when I was still much of a kiddish.
well, i'm not saying that I've turned into someone completely different. but nonetheless, i guess I've been altering my character through these time. whether for the better or the worst, it's not for you to judge unless you claim you've watched my changes.
was looking through the blogs that I've linked on the right and some were already no longer available. the lazy me wouldn't want to make the effort to relink them nor to relocate the pages. well, it's easy to explain. i don't really visit the pages already.
in the past, my BS was the page that i visit everyday, making the effort to post about my life and everything else. I've probably stopped doing so since idk when. i thought back of the few URLs i use to have i thought it was rather hilarious/kiddish. one of which, illusionistpeiyun@bs. i could only remember this one.
oh, and i used to have private and public blogs! i remembered i took down the very first blog that i have by deleting it. i vividly remember that i once made my private blog public and one of my elder cousin actually visits it and went to read through my previous posts which were "meant" to be for myself only. how "smart" was i in the past, i've guessed you've figured it out.
i've been on BS for many many years and the one that i have right now was created probably in 2006? under this account that i have, i've actually 4 blogs. one of which was a redundant one. was meant for photo grabbings, one for private and one for relink. quite stupid right? i think so too.
there were some photos which was uploaded back then and i realize how much i've changed physically. as for character, i shan't comment.
photos capture moments. but never the feelings that was captured and you have no idea how much i've wanted to be able to feel what i was feeling at that point of time. there are (still) many things which i want to go back in time and change what ever i could to minimize all the unnecessary sufferings that i've brought upon others. however, we all know it's already impossible. i can only modify the present and the future but never the past.
I stared. i stared at the posts long enough to think through the events and dramas that happened. how far have i gone? through these years, i've learnt the cruelty of life and i've more or less resigned to fate.
People entering and leaving my life. people come and go. some stayed on longer than others, some just barged in. some left and never come back. some left and came back but didn't stay for long. i detest this whole cycle. i detest it so much. but i've never thought if i did enter others life and never went back to them. have i been crude as well? i think i did. i was crude like the way the others were treating me.
some people you just want them out of your life so badly while others you can never imagine them walking out of your life. some people left because you made them want to leave. some people had no other choice but to leave. some people stayed. some people doesn't know what they want.
i guess i'm in a love-hate relationship with relationships. i do hate relationships. it's really a profound thing. managing relationships are sooooooo troublesome and it's really something that you have to be tactful about. i guess we need to get master degrees for relationships before we get out in the society.
Too many different experiences of people coming and go.
Once bitten by a snake, one shies at well ropes for the next three years. how true man.
okay, it's happening again. i type the post and towards the end of the post, i find this post totally doesn't make sense and i wanna turn in already. anyway, i was thinking if anyone really still read this space of mine that i share. i feel that this space is totally useless now.
now that i hardly pour my feelings into this blog. or maybe i should leave it to rot? oh well..
i shall go to bed with this post so badly drafted. sorry readers, if any that i've ever wondered.
I'm more than sure that you're another trespasser.
